Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Very wrong world. What's going on?

I got a hell of a shock this morning – I hadn’t checked on Jill for 2 or 3 days, and just popped over to find out that she has miscarried too. Number 6 too. Poor Jill, this is just so wrong. I was completely convinced hers would be OK.

So now Nikole and Jill follow Thalia and Pamplemousse and I really do feel a bit overwhelmed by the injustice of it all.

And last night I started spotting. I am just so glad I was expecting it, instead of it coming as a horrible shock like before.

This time I don’t have to rush around thinking ‘is it or isn’t it?’. I know this is a miscarriage. Not a bit of 'normal' bleeding in pregnancy' which lots of (other) women have.

This time there is no wondering if it it was me. If it was something I did in the last couple of days, because I already know my HCG was already shot to pieces last weekend. And I hadn't done anything.

For once I am waiting to bleed instead of dreading seeing spotting.

It does give me more questions about just how early I am really losing these pregnancies, though. When, on other occasions I didn’t start to really bleed until 8 weeks, I just thought that meant I had miscarried at 8 weeks, but now it looks like it may well have been over long before that.

I don’t really know if this means much.


  • Just a hug, Vivien.

    I hope the bleeding is tolerable and there is no physical pain.

    By Anonymous Kath, at 1:00 pm  

  • I'm sorry you are going through this yet again. It is just so unjust.

    By Anonymous pixi, at 2:32 pm  

  • Oh, Vivien, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I am sad for you (and for Nikole and Thalia and Pamplemosse and Sami and everyone dealing with miscarriage). I hope that the physical part of this miscarriage will be as easy as possible for you.

    Thanks for your kind words and sympathy for me. It's hard to fathom that we can have six miscarriages in a row, isn't it?

    The only good thing in all of this is that we can provide some comfort to each other. Although we have never met and there's an ocean between us, we understand each other's pain and are not alone.

    By Anonymous Jill, at 5:45 pm  

  • It is all so cruel, isn't it? I have only just had my first (and pray only) miscarriage. I know the pain of that and imagine multiplying it by six. It's too much. I'm so sorry for both you and Jill. You have done nothing to deserve this.

    By Blogger sube, at 8:03 pm  

  • Vivien, im so sorry you are here again too. Its traumatic, torturous, cruel & unfair!
    Take good care of you. Allow whatever you feel & need. I hope theres no or little pain & thanx for your comments & links to valuable info - hopefully between us all we can get to the bottom of this for all of us x

    By Blogger Womb in Waiting, at 12:30 pm  

  • I now know what it's like to just want it over with. I hope the physical part is over quickly for you.

    By Blogger Thalia, at 7:31 pm  

  • I was on holiday for 10 days and only just checked your blog and saw what has been happening. I'm so so sorry.


    By Anonymous Fuschia, at 10:21 pm  

  • I've just found you and read all your old posts- I'm so very sorry for all that you've been through; I just wish there were words of comfort.....

    By Anonymous Meri-ann, at 1:06 pm  

  • Viv, I am so sorry. I just hate that you are going through this again. I wish I could make it better.

    By Anonymous Lola Badeggs, at 1:13 pm  

  • I found you through Shanna's blog and just wanted to express my deepest sympathy for your loss. My heart goes out to you.

    By Blogger Krystal, at 2:17 am  

  • I just came upon your blog and my heart goes out to you. You don't deserve this. Thank you for sharing your experiences and your feelings with your readers. I have only gone through it once, and that was once too many. Six is far too many. I am another person rooting for you and hoping your physical pain will be minimal and that you never have to experience this again.

    By Blogger SaraS-P, at 1:14 am  

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