Not very proud of myself

This is going to be a bit hard. Home alone this weekend and here's what I have done:

Went shopping yesterday.

• Bit of food (high protein stuff, and vegetables)
• Body Shop cocoa body butter (the top of my back is peeling after a very out-of-character, embarrassing sunburn last weekend)
• 2 pairs of cut-off trousers - cheap ones. (Just in time for the change in the weather!)
• Book by Lesley Regan (St Mary's Hospital, London) about miscarriage. 'What every woman should know' apparently.

Then I came home and:

• Started reading the miscarriage book lying on the bed.
• Distracted, I updated my fertility / temperature chart book noting the test dates and start dates for the drug treatment that I have now started.
• Read some more of the miscarriage book.
• Fell asleep
• Awoken by the phone ringing. Ran at full tilt down the stairs, thinking it might be R. Also momentarily thinking I may trip and end this pregnancy even more prematurely. Nope - an agency doing market research on shopping habits. Would I take part? No, sorry.
• Spent time examining and re-examining my current and previous charts, to try and suss out exactly when my period would have been due. I seem to have a slightly long luteal phase - about 15/16 days. Worked myself up (again) into believing my period will start this weekend.
• Got v depressed about the Lesley Regan book. I am a vulnerable woman who is easily taken in by a doctor offering unproven protocol. Understandable but ultimately stupid and weak.
• Watched quite a lot of really, really awful TV.
• Gave myself my third clexane injection. It isn't easy to stick a needle in yourself and I am not really getting any better. My stomach is looking a mess already, as I am so hesitant I seem to stick the needle in and pull it out immediately so have to stick it back in. More holes than necessary.
• Changed the bed because Roger (the cat) had walked on the duvet with muddy paws.
• Locked the chickens away after dark. 4 of them (new ones) have still not realised they need to go INSIDE at night. Put them in manually. (Yes - always wash in anti-bacterial handwash after dealing with the chickens).
• Woke up this morning to find Roger on the bed. Paws lovely and clean - fresh duvet cover a real mess!
• Breakfast - tomatoes and mushrooms on toast.
• Radio 4 and net surfing all morning till now (3pm).
• Spent ages updating my (rather morbid) excel chart which shows each miscarriage and cycle since November 2003.
• Added a new sheet to aforementioned chart - 'Pregnancy #6'. Added expected dates of demise.
• Expected date of spotting - 2nd July.
• Expected date of big bleed starting, approx 11th July.
• Definite date of my birthday - July 6th.
• Date of holiday booked to go high level alpine walking, including glacier crossing: 29th July. If I don't miscarry, I would be in my 11th week. I will not go of course. If I do miscarry, what are the chances I will be fit enough to go?

Please, please stop obsessing.

I think I will try and do some gardening and take my mind off all of this. If only it were that easy.