The cat smirketh on

Here’s the story.

On Wednesday after posting I spent the day feeling rather flat. I couldn’t say that I had been SURE, but I really had thought I probably was pregnant, so it that pee-stick was such a let-down. I got home from work, watered the tomatoes and cucumbers etc in the green house, did a bit of garden ‘pottering’ (mostly admiring the deep pink peonies, the roses, and all the other flowers that are currently brightening up life. And then I rather gracelessly flopped in front of the TV to watch our latest rental DVD – Shadowlands with Anthony Hopkins questioning his faith while falling in love, and Deborah Winger dying of cancer – and both R and I cried copiously, though we had both seen it at least twice before. Very therapeutic. Also, seeing as I wasn’t pregnant I had a glass of wine with the film!


Then, as we went to bed but because I am an obsessive, I just picked up the morning’s peestick, put it under a very bright light (the one over the mirror in the bathroom) and could JUST ABOUT make out a very very faint second line. Now I know they say to ignore anything that appears after 10 minutes, but I was grasping at straws here.

Also, in spite of the 10 minute advice, I have never seen a pee stick change from negative to positive before. I started thinking that maybe I should retest. Maybe I had just misjudged things.

Of course, for the first time in probably 2 years, I didn’t have a spare ‘early’ test in the house, so I couldn’t retest on Thursday morning.

So – yesterday at lunchtime I popped into the chemist and bought myself a double pack. I planned to leave the first test till this morning, but in fact ended up using one last night, because apart from being an obsessive, I am also Mrs Impatient. What the hell, I thought, I can always buy more peesticks, but you can't buy patience.

So - after a long spell of NOT peeing, (because, still being 2 days before my period is due, I should really have used the morning stuff) – I tried again.

You have guessed already.


It is really faint still







But there is a second line.








So now what happens?




I don’t think I have ever felt this ambivalent about something I should be pleased about. I am pleased, but at the same time I am so scared too. Actually I keep nearly bursting into tears, which in itself worries me as I think maybe I am having a hormone dip already and this “pregnancy” won’t last through the weekend. As we all know, most pregnancies appear to end before the woman even realises she is pregnant – swept away in what she thinks is a normal period.

So now I am scared of the weekend, and of course R is away running a mountain marathon in the extreme far north of Scotland. He flies to Inverness today and won't be back until Monday night. It’s OK - I can be a wreck all on my own – I don’t need him to help!

I shall cuddle that cat I think.

And next time, if I am wondering about whether I am pregnant, I will ask the cat, and save the money on peesticks.