Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Monday, June 26, 2006

Life on the knife edge

I have continued to chart my BBT since getting the positive tests, although I really don’t know if the progesterone pessaries would be enough to keep my temperature up. Anyway, ever since the positive test my temperature has been around 36.65C – never dropping lower than 36.55C. Then today I checked the readout and nearly went into freefall. 36.36C.

I lay there for a while, just thinking how it was irrefutable. If I had assumed the Prog. supplements had been keeping my temperature up, there was absolutely no excuse for it to drop like that. There is only one inevitable conclusion. It’s over.

Or a bad reading?

Clutching at straws I put the thermometer back in my mouth, jamming it firmly under my tongue. Another 60 seconds. A different reading. 36.65C. Relief, disbelief. Trying to believe that in my half-asleep state the first reading had been affected by my having my mouth slightly open or something.

For good measure, 5 minutes later I tried a third time. 36.55C. I feel like I won the two out of three gamble.

But why can’t I just wake up and be sick? I keep searching for symptoms – I couldn’t drink my tea this morning, though the first sip seemed fine. Or am I just imagining it? I do have some nausea this morning, but it may just be the stress of having some idiot lorry-driver pull out right in front of me on a roundabout. I leaned on the horn and he just gave me the finger out of the driver’s window. I felt my stress levels rocket. Real best of British. And I am one of the few people I know who can get travel sick even when driving myself. I have even managed morning sickness (the real thing - actually throwing up) while I was bleeding heavily in the middle of a miscarriage.

So I have a mixture of nausea (very mild) and heartburn, a funny taste in my mouth and I am off tea. Today. And all of these come and go. Quite a lot of the time I just imagine they are still there, and I have that nagging feeling that deep down I know already that this is not going to be. . .

But - I am trying really hard to be positive. 6 weeks ago I was not pregnant. Now I am. I think I am. I think I still am.

There are 2 days to go till they tell me what the Beta HCG is doing.
If it is doing the right thing I will be ecstatic.

I think.

4 Comments:

  • As Good Signs go, being off tea is, I reckon, a good one. In the pregnancies that failed, I could still drink tea and positively craved coffee. This time around, I would retch just thinking about either one. For what it's worth.

    I could be an ass and ask if it's such a good idea to keep charting your temp, particularly as it does seem posible to get some 'off' readings. But that would be extremely asvice-ish, and I would never do that... Would I?

    By Anonymous Lola badeggs, at 9:58 am  

  • Won't repeat what Lola said about the temping. But will say that on this support forum I am on, several people got themselves all worked up because of temp drops and turns out that the pregnancy was fine.

    I have never had morning sickness, knock on wood, so that is something I can't help you with. However, with my son and then the 3 losses I had, instantly I developed a chest(which my husband adored yet could not tough) and the old boobs were so sore that the water from the shower hitting them brought tears to my eyes. I knew as soon as the size and tenderness went away that the pregnancy was over.
    So there, Assvice from Wisconsin for you. ;) Have a great day!

    By Blogger Shinny, at 3:56 pm  

  • Having no other way of monitoring this pregnancy at such an early stage, I want to see my temperature each morning, meaningless though it may be. At least while it does stay up I have some comfort. True today was a bit of a scare.
    Shanna - this is one of those other nice and normal pregnancy symptoms I have never had - sore boobs. Nothing I have seems very clear cut. Though I do get terribly sleepy. But then I am capable of sleepiness most of the month!

    By Blogger Vivien, at 4:10 pm  

  • Vivian

    Unlike Lola I have no problems with the ass-vice. Put DOWN the theomometer. Seriously, it is not worth the anxiety. i understand that high temps are your only sign of pregnancy, but temps can fluctuate even in pregnancy. OK, ass-vice over.

    By Blogger Stephanie, at 4:39 pm  

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