Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Today's the day, then

At 4pm I have my appointment to find out these Beta HCG results. Who knows.

Last night when I went to bed I just broke down – big huge sobs and loads of tears – real hormone crash stuff. Completely convinced this one is going, and devastated that I will have to go through yet another m/c. Poor R, what was he to do? Just reminded me that we really are doing all we can this time around, and that he is still positive. And lots of sympathy that he isn’t the one having to go through it so directly. (Not that I doubt it is just as hard for him).

Have we really done everything though? I just have at the back of my mind this nagging doubt - I didn’t start taking the Prednisolone until after the positive test, which obviously would not have been in time for the implantation and I just DON’T UNDERSTAND how, if implantation occurs approximately 8 DPO, then how would I be at 5 – 6 weeks before I miscarried or showed any signs? Why are there not more answers? Why can’t they fix me?

Then, this morning I woke up and (sorry!) took my temperature, which was reassuringly high (36.62C) and I actually felt quite sick – not very sick, but definitely a bit. And I have the nasty taste back in my mouth. Nothing shifts it. So, with these pathetic strands of hope I shall try and hold myself together until this afternoon.


  • Dear Vivien, my fingers are crossed so tightly for you, it's very tricky to type.

    Hoping for great news that just keeps getting better.

    By Anonymous Kath, at 11:43 am  

  • Vivien hi, Im so hoping all went ok & it does sound you tried everything this time. I'll log on morrow to see for sure....but high temps & nausea, looks good.. Also, thanx for your note -im glad were in contact now via blogland. Id like to know all about the process that got you to prednisolone...was it speculation or did you test positive for something that required preds?. I was put on clexane even tho' all my auto immune testing came back clear. As well I was on prog gel/pessaries but as yet havent tried the preds. I dont think my dr would go that far unless there was substantial cause but only tonite I was telling my husband maybe we should try so if its ok with you, could you let me know the process that got you to taking preds....thanx a million & I will say a special prayer for you tonite x

    By Blogger Womb in Waiting, at 12:56 pm  

  • hey, me again, can i ask a few more questions so i can be armed when i spk to my RE....what was the actual test thay you were outside normal range for NK cells, coz im intuiting i'll be there too, was it the endometrial biposy? & also - what has it been like on preds? what are the side effects?
    hope these ?s are ok, thanx x

    By Blogger Womb in Waiting, at 1:07 pm  

  • Vivien,

    I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Please keep us posted on your progress. We're thinking of you.

    By Anonymous KLH, at 3:32 pm  

  • Crossing fingers and I better go figure out just what the heck time it is in your part of the world so that I can keep track of you today.
    So hoping it is the best news ever for you.

    By Blogger Shinny, at 3:40 pm  

  • Vivian-I am crossing all my crossable parts that you get great news this afternoon. I know how anxious this time is. You ARE doing everything you can do. All my best~

    By Blogger Stephanie, at 4:01 pm  

  • My hopes are with you. I hope you get the good news you deserve. I hope you can keep sane as you get through this. Most of all I hope for that 'happily' ever after we all dream about. I think we are all changed after having a m/c. Having recurrent ones I imagine changes your soul and spririt forever. I hope this baby is what will slowly rebuild that for you.

    By Blogger Murray, at 5:38 pm  

  • ...stumbled onto your blog after searching for keyword 'miscarriage'.

    I sincerely hope your testing went well today. I know that wait for test results well.

    ...well wishes...

    By Blogger moi, at 5:51 pm  

  • All crossable bits are dutifully crossed - I so hope this is working out. Am on pins & needles waiting for update - please be still pregnant. xoxoxoxo! Hang in there!

    By Blogger Anna, at 6:12 pm  

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