Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Bad day

Am having a bad day.
I just cannot make myself believe this pregnancy is going to last.
I have been back to read Aliza’s entries in October last year, to try and gain some comfort. I know she was thinking she would miscarry, and then, obviously, didn’t.

But it’s not really working.

I just want to go home from work and cry and cry and cry.

This is not fair.

How very grown up. I sound like a spoilt child.


  • Oh, Vivien, I'm sorry. Wish I could make you a big, comforting cup of tea and tell you silly stories to take your mind off things. But what you need most of all I am sadly unable to provide: a huge dose of fast-forward dust, and the knowledge that it will all turn out OK.

    I am so hoping with you, my dear.

    By Anonymous Kath, at 10:15 am  

  • {{hugs}} I wish I could tell you that it will all be OK, and that you could believe me. But as a fellow recrrent miscarraige suffer, I know the only thing that will make you feel safe is your little one born and in your arms.

    I so hope that dream comes true!

    By Blogger Catherine, at 1:33 pm  

  • I am sorry that you are feeling so down. But the whole mood swing issue is a sign of pregnancy hormones invading your body and turning your brain to mush. I have such good assvice, don't I? ;)
    You go ahead and feel sad and all of us supporting you from Blogland will feel happy for you.
    I know what you are feeling and so wish that you didn't have to have these sad thoughts. It isn't fair that we have lost our ability to feel joy in being pregnant again.
    Love ya and sending you big hugs.

    By Blogger Shinny, at 2:44 pm  

  • Vivien, it is totally understandable that your feelings and hormones are all over the place. You are being more pro-active in managing this pregnancy in terms of monitoring and drugs so hopefully it will not have the same outcome as before. If it does, then you know that you did everything you could do.

    Take Kath's advice and have a nice cup of tea and a lie-down. Hopefully tomorrow will give you some more reassurance.

    By Blogger Pamplemousse, at 5:03 pm  

  • Lately, when calling up your blog, I repeat the mantra over and over in my head: Please be still pregnant. Having mc after mc can I imagine really throw your faith for a loop. You're right - it's the farthest thing from fair, and you don't sound remotely like a spoilt child.

    The worst part is not knowing. It'd be fine and manageable if you could know, one way or another, how it would turn out. I hated people telling me not to worry, everything would be fine. How the fuck would they know?! No one knows if it's going to be fine or not. I don't blame you for being afraid that this pg is going to end way before it's time - that's what keeps happening, and it's maddening and discouraging. I do so hope for you and pray that this one will be different, that you'll be okay. I'll continue to do this until your child is in your arms.

    By Blogger Anna, at 5:05 pm  

  • Oh vivien of course this is hard. Of course it is. Try to hang in there, there is nothing to say that this is going wrong.

    By Blogger Thalia, at 5:24 pm  

  • Hi Vivian,

    Thanks for your kind words. I read that you are more likely to have a miscarriage after you've had more than three -- wish I could remember where I read that. I've been reading A LOT about miscarriages since I had mind. Currently, I'm in the two week wait and I'm really scared. If I conceive again, will it stick this time?? Is it too soon??? I am not seeking medical attention as of yet. I, like many others have to wait until after the third miscarriage -- think for insurance purposes. Right now, I'm reading about others' experiences and this is helping A LOT. I sometimes wish that infertility and miscarriages were not "dirty little secrets". I'm not ashamed that I had one, but again it's not something that I advertise either. I guess blogging about it makes me feel like I'm spreading the word, if that makes sense. Again, thanks for the kind words. I'll have to read up on your blog.

    By Anonymous KLH, at 6:12 pm  

  • Hang in there. Your fears are completely justified, considering what you've been through. I hate when people tell me to relax and have faith that I'm going to have these babies. Because, you know, I have such a great track record. *sigh* Good luck!

    By Blogger Milenka, at 8:31 pm  

  • You visited my blog and offered me encouragement, and now I hope to return the favor. I'm hoping, hoping, hoping you get some good news and some relief from the anxiety soon. My thoughts are with you.

    By Blogger sube, at 4:07 am  

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