Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Boring stuff, but I am OK

Haven't heard anything but a deafening silence since the panel decision.

There was some mention of 'a couple of weeks' for our forms to get into circulation. It will be two weeks tomorrow since we got the approval. I am vaguely hoping we will hear something in the next few days, but I am not counting on it. We did receive the confirmation letter, explaining exactly what the approval meant. We are approved for a child 'as young as possible - i.e. 0-3 years, or 2 siblings if both very young. If you read that in a letter, and it is all official, it is very exciting.

But the reality is we don't know if it will happen. There was that little disclaimer at the bottom of the letter, kindly explaining that, of course, there can be no guarantee that a suitable child will be matched with us. It's standard, and I am very hopeful that this WILL happen, but I have to keep my feet on the ground here.

Meanwhile, however, I am feeling more OK about my life - even my present situation - than I can remember.

Work is going shockingly well. I finally fessed up to my manager that I had been approved as an adopter. I was worried about telling her, as it is obvious that I could leave, almost at any time, on pretty short notice. But I had to tell her. Apart from anything else, I needed to ask finally for a proper pay rise, and I couldn't keep the adoption stuff secret while at the same time asking for more money. It didn't seem right. But she was great - really good. First she was clearly genuinely pleased for me that I had been approved - but also completely reassuring that the adoption should have nothing to do with whether or not my pay should go up. Of course, this is true, but the reality is that I am not really in a position to start looking around for different work, even if they refused a pay rise, because I would take a while to qualify for 'maternity' benefits, and I simply can't guarantee anything at the moment. [Adoption benefits appear to be exactly the same as maternity benefits - but the main difference is that at least you can pretty much predict when you are going to give birth - with adoption it could be anytime, and on very short notice. Can't imagine a new employer taking me on with that in the offing].

Anyway, I got my pay rise. Astonishingly I was actually offered me MORE than I had asked for. That's new - I didn't know that could happen! You know how it is, you ask for £3 - £4k and decide that you will create a fuss if they say £1k, but will settle for £2k. I hate these games, but that's the way it works usually. But they are giving me £3k straightaway and another £1.5 from April. (This does suggest to me they have been underpaying me for a while, but nonetheless, very nice thank you, and I am not one to worry about the past too much - I have never starved).

And I spent a nice weekend with my best friend who is struggling with men and work - the usual stuff, and I looked at myself and thought 'You're OK Vivien'.

I'm OK. Just waiting for something that probably will happen. The biggest 'something' of my life.


  • You're OK Vivien (definitely OK). There, that makes two of us who think so therefore it must be true, right?

    By Blogger DinosaurD, at 3:14 am  

  • Good to hear from you again. Congratulations on the pay raise, that is great news.
    Sorry that now that you are approved you just get to sit and wait for who knows how long. Wishing you a very short wait and motherhood at the end. It will happen and you will be wonderful.

    By Blogger Shinny, at 2:35 pm  

  • A friend said it took over a month to get her letter after panel, and she had to chase it. Just so you know. I hope yours comes through faster.

    I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's a short wait for you.

    By Blogger Thalia, at 3:46 pm  

  • Congrats on the pay raise! It takes such courage to even bring this stuff up with employers and ask for what you're worth. Great going.

    I look forward to following your journey (which I hope gets you were you want to be as soon as possible). Best of luck...

    By Blogger peesticksandstones, at 1:00 am  

  • Hi Vivian, just found your blog and find myself in a sililar situation, 7 miscarriages all before 8 weeks, all lost naturally (no d&c´s) all in the last 2.5 years. I am 35. My last one was in july this year and ended up ectopic, me being rushed to hospital and operated on where they had to remove my fallopian tubes. so no natural pregnancies for me. very fun waking up from that laparoscopy!

    Doctors have said my husband and I may be ´genetically allergic´ to each other ie when feotus is developing all chromasomes do not match up properly (like a zipper would) and therefore malform and my body rejects it. I thought that one was hilarious. (as you can see i am a little hysterical at this point)so no IVF either.

    anyway we are having final genetic testing this week, they pumped a few litres of blood out of me this morning for hormone testing...we will see.

    just to spice things up between the 6th and 7th pregnancies i was drugged and raped by a big boss in my organization and am now in the middle of big law suit i don´t need and don´t want. i want to punch all the psychiatrists i am sent to see, they have drugged me beyond recognising myself for depression and post stress trauma etc..etc..etc..

    don´t know why i am writing all this stuff, spose it makes me feel better, its so hard to explain what goes on up in my head, i am sure you will agree.

    you sound like a lovely person live a healthy and bright life, from the bottom of my heart i wish you the best, if i was a baby i would want to be adopted by you.

    keep on writing. take care! m xx

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:54 pm  

  • Oh, Vivien, I hope it all comes together very soon. You've endured so much just to get to this point. Glad to hear that you're feeling OK.

    By Anonymous pixi, at 3:07 pm  

  • Congrats on being approved and for your pay raise! I really hope that you have your child soon.

    By Blogger Alice, at 8:56 pm  

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