Boring stuff, but I am OK

Haven't heard anything but a deafening silence since the panel decision.

There was some mention of 'a couple of weeks' for our forms to get into circulation. It will be two weeks tomorrow since we got the approval. I am vaguely hoping we will hear something in the next few days, but I am not counting on it. We did receive the confirmation letter, explaining exactly what the approval meant. We are approved for a child 'as young as possible - i.e. 0-3 years, or 2 siblings if both very young. If you read that in a letter, and it is all official, it is very exciting.

But the reality is we don't know if it will happen. There was that little disclaimer at the bottom of the letter, kindly explaining that, of course, there can be no guarantee that a suitable child will be matched with us. It's standard, and I am very hopeful that this WILL happen, but I have to keep my feet on the ground here.

Meanwhile, however, I am feeling more OK about my life - even my present situation - than I can remember.

Work is going shockingly well. I finally fessed up to my manager that I had been approved as an adopter. I was worried about telling her, as it is obvious that I could leave, almost at any time, on pretty short notice. But I had to tell her. Apart from anything else, I needed to ask finally for a proper pay rise, and I couldn't keep the adoption stuff secret while at the same time asking for more money. It didn't seem right. But she was great - really good. First she was clearly genuinely pleased for me that I had been approved - but also completely reassuring that the adoption should have nothing to do with whether or not my pay should go up. Of course, this is true, but the reality is that I am not really in a position to start looking around for different work, even if they refused a pay rise, because I would take a while to qualify for 'maternity' benefits, and I simply can't guarantee anything at the moment. [Adoption benefits appear to be exactly the same as maternity benefits - but the main difference is that at least you can pretty much predict when you are going to give birth - with adoption it could be anytime, and on very short notice. Can't imagine a new employer taking me on with that in the offing].

Anyway, I got my pay rise. Astonishingly I was actually offered me MORE than I had asked for. That's new - I didn't know that could happen! You know how it is, you ask for £3 - £4k and decide that you will create a fuss if they say £1k, but will settle for £2k. I hate these games, but that's the way it works usually. But they are giving me £3k straightaway and another £1.5 from April. (This does suggest to me they have been underpaying me for a while, but nonetheless, very nice thank you, and I am not one to worry about the past too much - I have never starved).

And I spent a nice weekend with my best friend who is struggling with men and work - the usual stuff, and I looked at myself and thought 'You're OK Vivien'.

I'm OK. Just waiting for something that probably will happen. The biggest 'something' of my life.