Back to work . . .

Sorry, Shinny, but I was right I am afraid - no point being the optimist commenter on MY blog!

On the bright side, it really wasn't too awful - I suppose I am just getting to know the score, and I genuinely think that without the drugs and rather terrible and desperate efforts to save these doomed pregnancies, it was all a little less traumatic.

Having said that, I had a very miserable time on Sunday morning in Paris, as I foolishly left the hotel without painkillers, to be hit by full-on cramps. Crying, doubled up on the streets of France's capital was not fun. Neither were the hours on an overnight sleeper train to Florence. Toilets on trains are never very nice, are they?

But it's all over now (baby blue).

And I really am grateful that the pregnancy didn't linger for another week or so. My holiday was 2 weeks, and by the second week I had virtually stopped bleeding, and I genuinely had a really good time. We walked from Florence to Siena which was beautiful, and the food and wine and countryside and weather were all fabulous. And R was fabulous too - it really was like being on honeymoon again. I am so lucky to be so loved.

I have of course kept this latest m/c from KT, our social worker, who last visited yesterday (Sunday!) with her draft of our Form F for us to check over. She also wants photos of us and CVs for some reason (the photos I can understand - the CVs rather less so). This week is busy on the adoption front - the SW who interviewed our parents while KT was off sick has asked for an interview on Wednesday for the 'second opinion'. And on Thursday KT is back to make any changes / discuss any points we are not happy with from the Form F.

In the meantime my best friend rang me this evening to say that she received the report of her interview with KT, and it nearly made her cry, it was so lovely. She was touched by what KT had written both about her and how supportive she is of our application, as well as about me and R, and what good adoptive parents we would make.

So why do I feel so flat about it? I think I have gone past believing. Before you say it, no, it's not the m/c causing this feeling - I felt it before, and oddly, I even felt it about the pregnancy. No. Excitement. At. All. I think it will come back, but I think the whole process has just worn me out - not just the adoption process, the whole 'I want a baby' process. Four and a half years is a long time for an impatient person like me! (Pamplemousse, I take off my hat to you!)

Oh well, back to Form F checking. The fifteenth will be on us before we know it - and then the waiting can really start!