Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Friday, May 18, 2007

Running across the mountains

Since we more-or-less stopped ttc I have given myself permission to run again, and in February, after a long lay-off with a twisted ankle that kept swelling up, I started with a slow and painful 2.8 miles. I have managed to bully myself into keeping up the momentum and have managed to run 3 - 4 times a week, including a run at the weekend which I have lengthened by about 10 minutes each week.

Not last weekend, but the 3 weekends before I have run out from my house and run 14 or 15 miles in the beautiful Wye Valley. Often as I have run I have written poetic, life-affirming blog entries in my head. It is such a privilege to live where we do, and to be healthy and fit enough to run for more than two and a half hours as the morning mist clears. I have seen buzzards and canada geese, swans, moorhens and a heron. And last week R came with me and we saw a pair of hares (wonderful, wonderful animals) and just a few hundred metres from our home we saw a calf that had literally been born only minutes, and watched as it tried to struggle to its feet.

All this training has been towards an event tomorrow in aid of the mountain rescue team. I enter it most years, but have not been fit enough to run the 17 mile ridge route since 2002. Tomorrow that's what I will do, with a friend for company (R will be helping run the event, and therefore not running with me). I am not as fit as I was in 2002 (I had recently run my second consecutive London Marathon that year, and I doubt I shall ever be that fit again!) But it is good to know I have pulled myself together for this.

I apologise for that last post. And thank you for very kind and generous comments - you have big hearts, that I am not sure I deserve. I am not so unlucky.


5 Comments:

  • I so admire you getting back into such great shape (although it may be bitter sweet). I've been hitting a bit of a stumbling block as of late (I used to be a pretty big runner at one point). In fact, I was just debating whether or not to go right now - and you have inspired me to JUST DO IT. So, thank you.

    By Blogger Alice, at 12:34 am  

  • Wow, Vivien, that's amazing! What a great achievement to get back into long-distance running... The route sounds lovely, too.

    And please don't apologize for your last post, which I'm only seeing now. Please don't apologize for hurting. This blog should be a place to release some of that pain. And whatever you decide to do, I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best. For now, that means cheering you on for your race!

    By Anonymous Kath, at 9:48 am  

  • Okay, I'm completely impressed by your running abilities. It's wonderful that you've resumed and I wish you all the best in the race. You're an inspiration!

    I'm sorry I hadn't had a chance to comment on your previous post. You never need to apologize for a pity/angry/venting post. That's what I've used my blog for - it's cathartic and it's helped me tremendously. If it helps you, then it's working. If not, well, you know what you need to do (or not do).

    I am so sorry for your losses. How horrible recurrent miscarriage is. It's not just losing your babies, but also hope and the future. That's truly devestating. I'm so sorry you've had to experience this so many times.

    I wish for you and R to have a family one day (sooner rather than later). However it happens, whichever way will work, I wish this for you. With all my heart. Hang in there, and good luck on your run. You're in my thoughts.

    By Blogger Anna, at 3:28 am  

  • Wow- I can only DREAM of running that far! Yay you!!

    By Blogger Patience, at 11:33 am  

  • Okay I just left you a comment but it is on your July 2006 post. Ha Ha I guess that is what came up when I searched RPL. Okay now that I am posting on a recent post, I will try again.
    First I want to tell you that I read your last post and felt like I was listening to myself. I totally felt those things you said. Really, all of them. I am so sorry for your hurt, a hurt I know all to well. Seeing my friends get pregnant made me want to scream and cry and I did. I hated them b/c they hurt me so bad. But, I just wanted to tell you my experience and hope I can help you.
    When I was at the height of my bleeding on Christmas Day in my third miscarriage, something inside me just snapped. I thought to myself, this is it!!! I will be a mother and it is going to happen NOW. I started researching it that day and I'll never forget the day I first came across a picture of Guatemalan children. I was hooked. I knew thats where my daughter was. My family thought I was crazy and even my hubby thought it was a little too soon. I NEVER backed down or looked back, I just knew this was it.
    Rob sooned joined my fight and we adopted the most beautiful baby girl I have ever known or seen. She is the greatest joy my hubby and I have even known. She doesn't look like me and we get questions and comments all the time. It doesn't phase me, to us she is our daughter and meant to be so before her birth. To us, she is our family and our future. And I am actually begging my best friend to get pregnant so her child can grow up with Gabby. I NEVER thought I would reach that point but I have. And my two other best friends who were pregnant before, there babies are just weeks apart from Gabby and they are all best friends. How ironic.
    We are now undergoing IVF for the first time to give Gabby a baby brother or sister. Although I'm nervous and anxious about miscarriage, I'm relaxed at the same time and feel ready to start the shots again. I needed the space from IF and I needed to be a mother. If I have a baby that's cool but if not, I will always be Gabby's mother. So follow your heart but I can tell you that adoption was a miracle to us! I still hurt for my losses and sometimes I cry but it is not often at all and I feel the Lord led us to adoption. Would I have pursued adoption if I had not lost three pregnancies, I'll never know. I do know that she has given us a reason to get up every morning and my resentment has lessened to a point that I thought I may never reach again. Check out our blog:
    www.gabbycita.blogspot.com
    And I hope you keep blogging, you are helping more women than you'll ever know. Thanks for your courage!!

    By Blogger The World According To Gabby, at 6:04 pm  

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