Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Saturday, January 13, 2007

What do they know?

I think I must have known that at some point in this adoption process I would get frustrated that Social Services views might be at odds with my own, but this does feel rather personal.

We put in our application to begin our home study just before Christmas, in the expectation that we would be able to get started in January. When they received our application I had a call from E, our current social worker. She had already explained that she couldn't be the person to do our home study with us, because she had just taken on another couple and she only works part time anyway. When she phoned she said something rather convoluted about how she would like to have one last meeting with us before the homestudy was passed to a colleague, so that she could give an up-to-date handover. . .

Well, she came round on Tuesday and basically said that they would not start a home study until we had had some counselling. Or more specifically until I had, because she 'feels' there is 'something there' which I need some counselling for.

I made th mistake of trying to discuss it with her. Although my last miscarriage was only June, I have had the chance to come to terms with them, through repeated experience since November 03. I have never seen a heartbeat, never had a scan in which there was really, undeniably a baby (we saw a yolk sac once. That's about it). I don't want to be accused of being in denial here, but honestly I do not feel that I have been through anything like the traumas that Nicole or Jill or Manuela or so many, many others have. And actually, that experience with H was more likely to leave me needing counselling . . . I gave her a few instances of how I genuinely don't think I need counselling - I have good friends I can talk to, this blog and all your support, and so on. I have even turned around all the problems that the miscarriages, albeit indirectly, caused me at work. But she wasn't having it of course. I should have known - these SW's have filled out a box that says 'recommend for counselling before proceeding' and I cannot untick the box, no matter what. Well, only by getting some.

She had brought along an embarrassing couple of sheets of printout from a google search about counsellors in our area - mostly, if you looked closer, they would be of no use to me (I am not a disturbed adolescent, for starters). But R has contacted his GP who is referring us to someone at the hospital, and SW will be happy with that, apparently. She says I need only go once (to tick the box) and if I think that is enough . . . but not going at all is not an option, obviously.

Hoops hoops hoops.

I WANT TO GET ON WITH THIS! I want to move forward, to feel that there might actually be some hope on the horizon.

Oh - and moving out of the county may not help as although we could possibly adopt an "easier" child, we would be further from our 'support networks' which would not look so good for us from an agency's viewpoint.

We aren't progressing very quickly here.

Sorry - my frustation is showing through.


  • Oh, Vivien, that is so frustrating and horrible. I'm so sorry for this extra delay and the unnecessary and demeaning hoops you have to jump through.

    I hope you put this past you soon... and move on to the Main Point. Thinking of you.

    By Anonymous Kath, at 9:00 pm  

  • I don't blame you for being frustrated- waiting around when it's hard enough to come to major decisions is incredibly annoying, you feel like you're getting nowhere fast...

    I hope you get a quick appointment so that they can tick their box, and get on with it!

    By Blogger Meri-ann, at 11:26 pm  

  • How frustrating for you both. Meanie SWs!!

    By Blogger Pamplemousse, at 8:06 pm  

  • I love the fact that you only have to go once--I mean, how ridiculously absurd is that? Once. So, you have a problem that warrants a look-see by the shrink--but it'll all be solved in a . . . visit? So crazy.

    By Blogger Alice, at 11:34 pm  

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