Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Monday, October 23, 2006

Of my sister and catching up with the world

I had a long, long chat with my younger (only 41) sister over the weekend. For a long time she has been having problems with one eye, and no-one could tell her what it was.

Finally her GP gave her the news that it was an inflamed optic nerve, and that this is the most common symptom denoting the onset of MS.


She then waited 6 weeks for a brain scan, which revealed no lesions, so has been diagnosed as NOT having MS, but having a 60/40 chance of developing it.

And I worry about not having a baby.

In the same conversation I also discovered that my niece is due her second baby in just over 6 weeks, and my SIL is pregnant again (her first is now 2 and a half years old – same as my first would have been).

And R’s only cousin’s partner is also pregnant.

I guess they don’t do it on purpose to destroy me!

In the meantime, on 16th October, we filled in what seemed like dozens of forms. And we have confirmed that we will attend a preparation course on every Saturday throughout November. That’s soon! And they expect us to use contraceptives from now on. Oh – I could say more!!

The news is FULL of adoption stories, what with the lovely Mad.onna’s latest exploits. Good word, exploit. Directly related to exploitation. Don’t be fooled – this is NOT about helping a child out of poverty – there are 100 other ways to do this before taking a child out of its home, away from its father, and bringing it up where I believe it can never feel it belongs. Money is very important, especially when you don’t have it, but it isn’t everything.

Rant over.


  • Oh the Madonna stuff is just so complicated. On the one hand, we don't know what processes etc they've been through, on the other hand, I agree in this instance, why adopt this child when she could simply sponsor him and leave him where he does 'belong'? Very hard.

    Sorry to hear about your sister, and all the pregancies you're being inundated with. Sometimes I find it extraordinary, how easily some people get (and stay) pregnant. It is just so alien to my experience.

    By Blogger Thalia, at 2:17 pm  

  • Amazing how, when you have so many losses facing you every day, more and more pregnancy news seems to float in and hurt us - currently going through the same thing with 3 pregnancies and one birth announced within a 3 week period and it sucks. I hope you can finally get to be one of those lucky ones and have a healthy pregnancy.

    Will be thinking of and praying for your sister... Keep us posted on how she is doing.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:47 pm  

  • I have never read your blog before today and at the risk of you thinking i am a nutcase ...I post to say dear sweet cousin (who feels more like the sister i never had) had the EXACT SAME THING WITH HER EYE. It kept twitching, was red and irritated. She went to the Dr.

    We were terrified about MS and cried. She got an MRI. No lesions...but she had a great chance of developing MS....

    We went home. Two weeks later the same thing happens.

    Lots of googling. More crying.

    My cousin realizes one day while she is in the shower....that none of these symptoms came about until she started drinking c.oke with aspertam.e for the first time in her life four weeks earlier. Thinks she is probably crazy but quits drinking it anyway.

    All symptoms stopped. That was 3 years ago or so. She has spoken to other people who have had the same experience with DC. Weird, eh?

    So, maybe it wasn't the DC...but at least it goes to show that an optic nerve irritation is not always related to MS. And I certainly hope that this will be (is the) case with your sister.

    By Blogger theoneliner, at 4:56 pm  

  • Are you referring to Madge swanning into Malawi and basically stealing a child? I don't think it's complicated at all. Makes me angry.

    I've been away form Blogland, too, and sorry to come back to find out that you're struggling a bit with things. I hope your sister hits the lucky side of the statistics.

    By Anonymous Lola Badeggs, at 5:12 pm  

  • I guess if the child was living with family, I'd agree with sponsorship - but I'm not sure about children who are in institutions.

    Our social work director seems happy with my (not completely spoken out loud but pretty much implied) plan to use contraception when we have a child we are linked to and when they are first placed. But I don't seem to be able to get pregnant as quickly as you, and haven't had as many losses, so perhaps I would feel differently myself if I was in your position.

    By Blogger DrSpouse, at 8:50 pm  

  • Hi Vivien. I thought that I posted a comment on this entry a few days ago, but I must have screwed it up somehow, so here goes again:

    I am so sorry to hear about the worrisome news about your sister. I hope and pray that she will fall on the good side of the odds and will never develop MS.

    I'm also so sorry about all the pregnancy announcements. Those can be so hard to hear. I am excited to hear of your progress in the adoption process, though. Maybe the sting of pregnancy announcements will diminish a bit as time goes by and as the hope of having a child through adoption becomes more concrete. I hope so.

    By Anonymous Jill, at 3:35 pm  

  • Dear Vivien, I'm so sorry I've been away so long. I'm all caught up now, finally, and wanted to say I wish you so much luck and happiness with your adoption decision. I hope everything, everything works out for you.

    I'm so sorry about your sister. That must be so distressing for her. And I'm sorry, too, about all those pregnancy announcements. Sigh.

    By Anonymous Kath, at 9:51 am  

  • Vivien hi, im so sorry about your sister & the multiple pregnancy announcements...i know the feeling of hearing the unbearable news of everybody else getting & staying pregnant.....i hope the exploring of adoption makes you feel a tad more positive....we too have started exploring adoption....thinking of you.

    By Blogger Womb in Waiting, at 11:42 am  

  • Hello. Was reading your blog. I too have had six miscarriages but just recently had a baby (just 3 mos. agoWe too had gone through the adoption process through our state (Texas, We live in the U.S.). It wasn't working out and we were feeling so discouraged. We were approved to adopt but long

    So I can identify with a lot of the emotions I've seen in your blog. Here's what finally worked for me after my 6 miscarriages:

    Gamma Globulin IV treatment sometimes called IVIg- once a month for 7 months. Sometimes given pre-conception. Very expensive not covered by U.S. insurance.

    Prednisone orally every other day.

    Heparin shots twice a day.

    Progesterone pills every 8 hours.

    Progesterone suppositories also every 8 hours.

    Baby aspirin once a day.

    Flinstone vitamins for iron twice a day. lol*

    So this is what worked for me and now I'm holding a baby boy. I wish you well either in your adoption (adoptive parents are heroes in my mind) or in having a biological child.

    I just don't want to be one of those women who had her baby (ordeal over) and then forgets or stops caring about others still hurting.

    You have my greatest empathy. A most difficult thing to endure. Not my pity but empathy. ( I hate pity!).

    And even though our miracle came through a Drs hand we feel it was after much prayer that we came to find the answers. Once again best wishes to you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:58 am  

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