Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Friday, December 28, 2007

Years go by

Christmas 2002
We wrote cute things on our Christmas cards to each other - little hints to say what we wished for the new year. In 03 we got engaged and gave up contraception. We were very excited. A baby - or at least a pregnancy in 2003!

Christmas 2003
Well, we had the pregnancy all right. Following a the shock of miscarrying in November (which I guess I put down to long-haul flights and bad luck) we were pretty sure we would have a baby the next year - the same year we got married. Being 8 months pregnant at the altar wouldn't be ideal - but we'd have lived with it! Perhaps the timing would work out better than that, but we would surely have our child in 2004.

Christmas 2004
2 more miscarriages, but I had a referral to a consultant at the hospital. I believed they would figure out the problem and we would have our child in 2005.

Christmas 2005
MIscarriages in July and October. Having gone from NHS to private clinics (and been written off at initial consultation as past my sell-by) we set ourselves a time limit. Off to Harley Street in the new year, but we had to cap the pain of the repeated losses. But I had long believed that the Harley Street doctor would sort me out. 2006 would see a baby for us at last.

Christmas 2006
We had stopped the efforts. Another miscarriage in June 06 while under the auspices of supposedly the UK RPL expert.
We started the adoption process with a phonecall in August, attended a training course in November, and really hoped that in 2007 we might actually be matched and next Christmas we would have our baby / toddler in 2007. . .

Christmas 2007
Of course, in the event our SW got sick, our approval was therefore delayed till October and then the match we nearly had fell through. A bit of a bruising really.
So still waiting on a match. I have no idea how long this will take, and this Christmas is truly shadowed by my grief and frustration and by feeling so much older. It's hard to believe that this time next year we will be buying presents for our baby / toddler . . . I just can't see it most days.

My apologies for a 'sorry for myself' sort of post especially at this time of year. I haven't given up hope, but I am struggling a bit at the moment. Wishing that all your wishes come true at last too . . . in 2008.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

A big fat nothing

Says it all really. Just in case you thought I was being silent because there was so much going on in my world in the way of ANYTHING happening on the adoption front - nope.
Nichts, nada, niente.
We moved a cot into our newly cleared out spare room 2 nights ago (a gift from a work colleague). We destroyed a pot plant en route - symbolically knocked a huge branch off the money tree! I had to smile.
Preparations for Christmas underway.
Just off to make gingerbread . . .