Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Disgruntled (and old)

It turns out that it isn't a Final Hearing after all (although it does say that on the letter from the court, so silly me for taking them so literally). No, this is just the Birth Parents' FINAL chance to make a case for them to have him back. Our final hearing, when they get to tell us we can keep him, will 'hopefully' be within a couple of weeks of their final hearing.
Oh how crap. Really.
I just want this over and sorted.

In the meantime I spend my time being paranoid about being an older mother, and wondering if I should just blog older mothering stuff. I could bore for England on the subject. And, just for laughs, a bit of me has also not quite given up hope of a younger brother or sister for Theo. (Hollow laughs here please. I really am not kidding anyone.)

I did actually discuss the possibility of adopting again with KT (my SW), but even I could see that there are all sorts of things to consider - some directly because he is who he is, and others under a general heading of 'other factors'. For example, and in no particular order:

  • Theo is just the most charming, smiley, gorgeous child - SO easy to love - I would worry that a second one may not be so loveable.
  • Theo needs to feel 100% secure with us, which means the timing of a second child would be critical - on the one hand said sibling would need to be 2 years younger (this is SS rule, apparently) AND not introduced just as Theo starts school for example.
  • If I feel such an old mother already, and Theo was born when I was 43, how am I going to feel about being a mother to a child born when I was 45 - 46?
  • A second very young child may be difficult to find and difficult to allocate to such ageing parents.
  • If we had a second child we would almost certainly have to look at moving house at some point - which would be a shame (we love where we live) and financially pretty problematic.
  • Theo is an incredibly sociable child - and he really does attract other children so that I genuinely believe he will always have lots of friends, which would certainly mitigate against being an only child.
  • He does already have a half sister and half brother, but as he will not be growing up with any contact with them, this really doesn't seem very relevant - and of course they will never share his relationship with us, which is kind of the point.

There is loads of stuff that has been floating around my head; I sometimes wish still that I were more articulate, more dedicated as a blogger and could record all these things.

In the event of my personality NOT changing, however, I shall just record here that Theo has started imitating lots of words now, and said another child's name last Friday (he did say a horse's name before that, but not sure that counts!) The child is Ali, (Alastair) - the horse 'Poppy'.

And finally, if I were not disgruntled, would I just be gruntled?

4 Comments:

  • Wow! I haven't visited this site for a long time. It's wonderful to see that the adoption has happened and Theo looks so cute. Many congrats!

    By Blogger JewishMama, at 3:48 pm  

  • I can echo much of this. I don't think we'll adopt a second, but not because we wouldn't have liked two children. The cost for one is a HUGE factor and our ages as well (me 40, hubby 42.)

    So, I empathise and I also want to reassure you from a kid's point of view that being an only is not so bad. I had looney parents to boot and I'm still pretty fine (if I am allowed to say so! LOL)

    I think it just matters more to provide social opportunities when there are no siblings. But that would be good in either case, right?

    We're also looking forward to things being final and official. It will be a big relief.

    I for one am interested in your thoughts on mothering at an 'older' age . . . more mature, I prefer ;-)

    xo

    By Blogger beagle, at 9:07 pm  

  • I suppose one magic solution might be if Theo's birth mother had another child - would you consider adopting a new half (or even full) sibling? They do usually like to place together when they can. Or a child aged say, 4, when Theo was, say, 6 (assuming there was such a child who was a good fit for your family)?

    By Blogger DrSpouse, at 11:04 pm  

  • Hello,
    Just discovered your blog tonight. I'm 51; my (adopted) daughter is seven. I share all your older mommy anxieties, and your anxieties about adopting a second child.

    I hope you keep posting so I can stay in touch with you and your family.

    Good luck with the adoption finalization!

    By Anonymous Vintage Mommy, at 4:27 am  

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