Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Saturday, May 10, 2008

How we brought him home

Right up until really close to it actually taking place I was unsure about timescales and the actual nuts and bolts of what they call 'transferring' a child, so I thought it might be of interest to record it here. Also, of course, for me looking back at how I felt, I wanted to blog on various days during the transfer, but found myself exhausted or simply out of time in the day.
We initially had a meeting during which the timetable was put together with the following members of Social Services:
Head Honcho of Children's Services
Our SW, KT (whom I love more and more - she has become such a fantastic support)
Theo's SW (a young woman in her mid 20s)
SW for Theo's foster mother.
Also present at the meeting were me and R, and Theo's foster mother - I will call her Andrea.

The plan that emerged . . .

Thursday April 24
9.00am: R and I to Andrea's house to meet Theo. We stay about an hour and a half. 2 SWs also present for this first meeting.

Friday April 25
A day's 'grace' in case we decide after all this that we don't feel a connexion with Theo, and want to pull out.

Saturday April 26
1.30pm: R and I to Andrea's house staying until about 4pm, Theo's tea time.

Sunday April 27
8am: R and I to Andrea's house to participate in Theo's morning routine. Give him breakfast and lunch and leave shortly after midday.
4pm: Return to give Theo tea and spend the rest of the afternoon there until about 6pm.

Monday April 28
9.00am - Me to Andrea's and go out together (me Andrea and Theo - plus her 2-yr-old foster daughter) in my car on a shopping trip to the supermarket.
12.00pm - Return to Andrea's for lunch, meeting R there. Me and R spend the afternoon at Andrea's house playing with Theo, while Andrea is absent from the house and takes foster daughter for a walk. Give Theo tea at 4pm and leave.
(At this point I started to have a problem with the process that, stupidly I had simply not forseen. I HATED leaving him - especially when I felt that we were beginning to form a bond, and knew that Andrea would be out with him at various places where he was handed around for cuddles with anybody. And nightimes I would wake up and MISS him being there. Monday was the low-point for me - the process seemed so flawed, Theo chose to run to Andrea on one occasion when he bumped his head and hurt himself. I know it was silly, but I was hurt. I phoned KT, who was superb and told me how everything I was experiencing was normal. She also made it clear that there were certain aspects of the week which, in her view, were not being best handled. It helped me to know she understood and very much agreed with the main issues I had.)

Tuesday April 29
7.30am: Me to Andrea's to do 'morning routine', joined at 9.00am by R. R and I take Theo out together (we went to a little playground with swings and a climbing frame, which he LOVED) and then gave him lunch (prepared in advance, and we took him into Starbucks - which was a riot!)
1.00pm: We collect Andrea from her home so that she can accompany Theo on his first trip to our house. He spends about an hour and a half at our house, exploring and playing with a few familiar toys. We all return to Andrea's for Theo's tea at 4pm.

Wednesday April 30
8.30am: R and I to Andrea's, pick up Theo to spend the day at our house, returning him for 4pm.

Thursday May 1
10.30 / 11.00 am: R and I collect Theo from Andrea's returning him around 6.30 / 7pm for us to bath him and put him to bed. (This was traumatic, as he had had quite a stimulating and exciting day with us and did NOT want to go to bed! Hence tears - both mine and his!)

Friday May 2
"Move Day" R and I to collect Theo and take him home. KT present. "Handover to be kept short". It took about 45 minutes, and Andrea's teenage children had taken the morning off school to be there, so emotions were higher than they really should have been, but we took him home.

That was the nuts and bolts of it, anyway.


  • And I'm so glad that he is home.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:55 am  

  • I'm just catching up with your story and it's great to hear about the nuts and bolts. Congratulations on bringing home your little boy!

    By Blogger Bittermama, at 9:48 pm  

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