Hey - wasn't something supposed to HAPPEN in February?

Here's the email I wrote to KT last Friday.

Hello KT,

I hope you are well and enjoying the sunny weather (which will probably have turned to rain by the time you get this!)

As yet another friend announces she is pregnant, I thought I would just drop you a line to see how things are going, and let you know we are still here, and still trying to remain positive! R was so convinced something would happen in February, that I am just writing to check really.

Is there any progress at all or anything in the offing?

Would be good to hear from you

Love and best wishes,

Well, I had no reply on email, but was out last night and she called (weird that our SW always calls late in the evenings, can't understand that at all). R took the call and she said she was responding to my email so can she come round Monday 9am.

R agreed, but got no more information out of her, (it was a very short call) and as he didn't have me hissing at him, it is hard to know exactly whether she was cagey or simply businesslike. R says she was 'fairly upbeat' but gave nothing away. Who knows if there was anything to give away.

Isn't this crazy? Second-guessing a telephone call that I was not even present for? Honestly, it's like P-ingOAS a week before you're due.

But different. Obviously.

I am pretty sure it's all something of nothing - she is just responding to my email, and coming round for a catch-up, which will no-doubt be another round of reassuring 'wevenotforgottenyou' noises. Hoo-bloody-ray.

And in the meantime I have been getting quite tense. A sense of impending doom, along with plenty of general gloom is having a pretty good go at enveloping me. I am crying quite easily, but it's not healing, it's just painful.

And there are no fewer than 6 women I know and have regular contact with who are pregnant. Is this fair?

And out to dinner last night I sat next to a good friend (baby due May 6th) and opposite a colleague whose friend had a baby last year. The mother is back in work full time, the child (by all accounts) is turning into a clingy, spoilt brat and I had to listen to a discussion on the subject of 'having it all', staying home or going out to work once kids are on the scene. I must give out a lot of 'I am tough' vibes, because all of the women involved in this discussion KNOW about the adoption plans, and the miscarriages.

Me and my stupid brave face, eh. Roll on Monday - something to really cry about.