Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Friday, February 15, 2008

If only there were something to tell . . .

It's been a long absence, but yes, I am still here.

Still nothing, and getting a bit frustrated. Actually, I saw a friend last week - I only see her maybe three or four times a year, and she was eager to know 'how it was going, how I was feeling' and I struggled to express it. Eventually I said, "I suppose I just don't really believe it is going to happen" and she looked really, really upset for me. And I just shrugged. It all just seems so far away, and I guess if/when there is finally reason to believe it, all the wheels will start turning, and I will be excited, but . . . I don't know. At the moment I have stupid amounts of work, and there have been some decisions that I am not happy with (it's hard to work on a project with your heart and soul, when you believe the project is fundamentally flawed) so I find myself wishing for the phonecall so that I could tell them all to get on with it on their own.

Revenge is not really a valid reason for adoption though, is it. And anyway, whatever reason I have at the moment, it's not going to make any difference.

Our fate (or our child) is not currently on our radar. How is this for Cheerful Thought Of the Week: At this very moment our future child may be undergoing some abuse or neglect at the hands of its 'real' parents. Or sitting in a foster home, awaiting an adoption order. Or just crying in his/her cot, because s/he is hungry and no-one cares enough.

So what does someone waiting to adopt go and see at the movies? Well, Juno of course. Loved it. Yes, really. Just because it is a lovely story, well acted and you change your mind about almost all of the characters in it. And that bit is great, and pretty rare in the movies. I am the worst person I know for having negative first impressions which turn out to be wrong - this film gives you negative and positive first impressions - and most of them turn out to be wrong. Good message. As for all the fuss about adoption law - well, the whole story is about a million miles away from what happens over here anyway, so it didn't really bother me at all. It is fiction, after all.

Dear Dino, thanks for missing me - I wonder if you did email me - the account that this links to is one I hardly ever access these days - but maybe I will go and have a look.


  • Hi Vivien - I didn't e-mail but your next long hiatus might just force me to. Do you have an e-mail address that you actually check or will my messages simply languish?
    I haven't seen Juno but then I haven't seen anything in a long time - call me parinoid but I refuse to leave my kids with someone I hardly know and we don't have any family nearby.
    I do understand the belief that it won't happen but not for a minute do I think that you're in it for "revenge" - oh, wait, was that supposed to be a joke.
    Love you Vivien.

    By Blogger DinosaurD, at 9:26 pm  

  • yes, your cheerful thought is a bit of a shocker. Your review of juno has encouraged me to see it, all the discussion on the US blogs re the unrealistic portrayal of a teenager walking away unscarred from giving up her child had put me off somewhat.

    By Blogger Thalia, at 11:49 pm  

  • How awful and frustrating and miserable. I suppose they have to be careful to match children and parents but all the same... A friend of mine has adopted two. The first took 2 years from first forms to getting the child, the second one eighteen months. Not sure how long you've been waiting. Thinking of you and I keep checking back hoping luck has gone your way at last. Juliet.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:54 am  

  • From someone on the other side of the "wait" - the good news about adoption is there is a baby for you out there, no we don't know when or how or where - but there is an end in sight. Hang in there, everything you are feeling is completely normal and justified. I am hoping that your little one is just right around the corner!

    By Blogger Angi, at 7:24 pm  

  • Vivien, I'm sorry you're feeling down but I'm right there with you. My goodness, I could have written this post. I guess there is a part of me that really thinks our adopting (through foster care) will simply never happen. I suppose I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop - for something else to go wrong on our quest to become parents. I am also terribly frustrated at how long it's taking to get approved and think often about "our" child out there somewhere suffering or wondering when/if they'll ever have parents to love them.

    Anyway, thanks for the wonderful post. It made me feel less alone.

    By Blogger Kellie, at 6:52 pm  

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