Getting off the Rollercoaster - Going for Adoption

Friday, April 11, 2008

Bad news and good.

Apologies if anyone has been checking here for non-existent updates. Things have moved on, and in some ways I have been so caught up it has been hard to post.

Firstly I have to say, part of the lack of post was because I wanted to blog a poetic, beautiful post about my babycat, Delia, whom I loved SO much, and who was hit and killed by a car last week, while we were on holiday. Not so unusual, I suppose, but we live in a house where maybe 10 -20 cars pass in 24 hours. And both cats vanish at the sound of one, so I can't imagine what happened, but my return from holiday was marked by the saddest, saddest cat burial. My neighbour had found her and wrapped her in a fleece blanket and placed her in a cat basket so we could bury her [and cuddle her lifeless body] on our return. Truly, if tears could have brought her back, she would be here now. Dear Delia. I loved you for your faults, and in spite of them, for your cuddly, soft warm fur, big round eyes, because you could open doors, because you found a place to sleep on top of the wardrobe in our room, because you would eat marmite on toast and sultanas from my fruit cake. I could go on, but I can't without making myself too sad again.

So on to the good news.
I don't have a name for him for here, yet, but he is GORGEOUS. The placement order has been granted (though a day later than planned, which kept stress levels higher than necessary) and we have since met with his sw, who has given us the green light. A four hour meeting (yes, really) but a good result, and we even got to see a video of him, and I have a photo in my bag.

Honestly, for obvious reasons I can't post a picture, but he is smiley, eats like a horse and is into everything. I am already so in love. I worried that I might find bonding hard, but I know I won't. Finally I am allowed to feel this is OK. I am going to be a mummy, really soon.

On 21st April we go to matching panel, and something would have to go seriously wrong at this stage for things to founder now. Then we have a planning meeting later that week, in which we decide the timetable for handing him over to us. Handover is a long-ish process (1-2 weeks) so as to minimise the trauma for him, though of course it will be hard for him. We will meet him for the first time, and have 24 hours to reflect in case we want to change our minds (very fair to build this in, but I don't think we will need it).

After the first meeting the process is: watch, join-in, do. For example we watch him fed, join in feeding him and then feed him ourselves - so that he gets used to the transfer of care-giving. Likewise bathing, putting to bed, getting up, etc etc etc. We do this over the period, gradually taking over each aspect of his daily routine from his foster family. I could write reams about the loss involved in his short life so far, and in those of the people around him, but I am continuing to work that through, and at base I feel sure that the plan for him is truly in his best interests. He was not removed from his birth parents for anything other than his best interests.

I have also struggled with the whole idea of being an older mother, but managed to come to terms with that, to a large extent anyway. I do believe I will be a better mother now than I would have 20 or even 15 years ago. 5 or 10 years ago would have been good, but life doesn't always work out that way, does it?
So. It is really happening.
I am going to be a mummy.
And thank heavens I live in the UK - I get a year off work - OK, 6 months is unpaid, but I will have TIME with my son.

My son. Wow. That's a weird thing to write.


  • Oh Vivian I'm so very happy for you,this really bought tears to my eyes. You sound so happy and he sounds so wonderful. Can't wait to hear more about him.

    By Blogger Thalia, at 8:55 pm  

  • Crying over here, too. I'm very sorry about your kitty, but that is lovely news about the baby. You're going to be a wonderful mom. I just know it.

    By Anonymous pixi, at 9:01 pm  

  • I am so, so happy for you country chick (????). He sounds perfect and it sounds like the system is designed to make the transition as smooth as possible. He is still so little that the trauma should be minimal (well compared to an older child anyway).
    I am sorry about your cat- they have a way of getting into your heart as well.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:15 pm  

  • Oh Vivian! I am thrilled for you and your DH, and for this little boy who will soon become the love of your life.

    As for that 24 hr reflection period... just keep in mind that the first day and night we brought our son home from the hospital, he cried so much and I felt so helpless... I seriously wondered if I would be able to be an effective mother. Those days were panicky. He just turned 2 last week, and not only do we love him beyond anything I could have imagined, we really LIKE him!

    I'm so glad yoou'll have the time with him for the first year! That's fantastic. How old is he again?

    Best wishes, I can't wait to hear more!

    By Blogger Anna, at 9:28 pm  

  • So hard to comment on both and events and give them their due.

    I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. As you know I am a cat momma too.

    But I want to say a very happy conrgats on your son! That is fantastic news!

    By Blogger beagle, at 12:01 am  

  • Wow - I am so happy for you! And so sad about Delia.....

    Thinking of you all


    By Blogger m, at 12:34 am  

  • Very pleased for you, can you tell us (have you told us?) how old he is?

    My friend whose two boys are adopted posted pictures of her two when they were small as long as they are not identifiable (back to camera, absorbed in game, in costume etc.)

    By Blogger DrSpouse, at 11:39 am  

  • I'm so incredibly sorry about your dear cat. But so very happy to hear news of your son and that things are moving along. You're so close!! You are going to be a fantastic mum.

    By Anonymous Nikole, at 7:18 pm  

  • About time too! Great news!

    I'm a dog mommy, so I get the pain of losing an animal. And I bet she's looking down from animal heaven just glad for the wonderful life she shared with you.


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:21 am  

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